“How’s your new project?” lolo asked me when I was reviewing the first draft of my project.
“It’s fine. I’m quite happy with the first draft. I can’t wait to add the other elements to see the final output.” i replied with a happy face.
“That’s good, but can you do me a favor? I hope you’d learn to save up after you finish that project of yours. I know you worked hard for that. Producing something like that can be physically, emotionally and financially draining. I know it’s your money but – ”
(Here we go again)
“I know” i interrupted. “I know I’m spending too much on this, but this is what I really want to do and I am happy seeing my works being appreciated by others… being appreciated by you” i defended trying to hold back my tears.
He simply nodded. He went back to his room while I stayed at the dining area just staring at a black piece of paper.
While multitasking at work on a Sunday afternoon, a good friend of mine asked a magical question in our chat conversation:
“Magkano ang natira sa ****** mo?”
I simply stared at his question. I can’t think of any figure or amount. I was staring trying to recall how much money I spent last December and January. FCUK. Can’t think of a concrete answer. Can’t come up with a specific answer because I refuse to write something heartbreaking.
“WALA” i replied
He didn’t reply back (or i think he did, but he changed the topic). I remember telling him last December that I will save up so that in case i’ll be needing extra moolah to buy something important, I can get some from my savings. But no. I failed at this one.
SAVE UP. Easy to say, hard to do. See, I am currently heartbroken. Nah, I’m not talking about boys and the Hallmark-proclaimed holiday called Valentines that drives a lot of single individuals crazy. I am heartbroken in terms of realizing my shortcomings when it comes to my finances. I am not really earning that big from my salary and blogs, but I do think I can seriously set aside some money if only I am not a compulsive drinker and eater (drinking mocha and eating donuts, i mean), if only I didn’t travel that much (Subic and Cebu FTW), if only i bought clothes and shoes instead of expensive rides (i need a closet revamp. i badly need it!) and if only i didn’t pursue with this project.
But no. Why regret? I can think more if i drink mocha and donuts. I really had fun in Subic and Cebu and surely, I will treasure more memories on my upcoming trips. I can still buy clothes and shoes if someone influences me to and hey, nothing beats seeing the characters you created come to life.
I may have spent a lot and failed to save up, but hey, i don’t regret anything at all. Being the hardworking bullhead that I am, I know that these risks that I am taking will be the key for me to achieve what I want and that is happiness – no matter how redundant that sounds. Who wouldn’t be happy exploring other places and meeting new people? Who wouldn’t smile if you have a sip of mocha and a bite of donut after a stressful day at work? And who wouldn’t feel contented upon seeing something you yourself made be appreciated by your audience?
Again, I took a risk. I’m not sure if you, the reader of this blog entry, would fully understand my situation right now. You know the feeling of doing something you truly love yet your financial worries stops you, but you didn’t give a damn about it and you just let the bull-headed persona in you fight in a right and fair way? Taking risk can be very tricky, but hey, at least I did, right? At least I made a move without feeling sorry for myself with what ifs and all that mind-bugging queries.
So there. It’s 6AM in the morning and I haven’t slept yet. Actually, I am worried about my portable HD. All my travel pictures, project52weeks videos and past documents are stored in here. The problem is, I can’t open it here in my laptop. All of sudden, it is prompting me to reformat the portable HD. I tried it in my office computer as well, but I encountered the same problem! What should I do now? I don’t want to press the ‘format’ button as that means all of my precious files are deleted permanently! I will risk in any field, except for this portable HD. I need some help pft.
I’ll end this entry now. I just can’t stop writing LOL. Happy Valentines LOL 😛
All photos taken from LX3 Moments , the project I haven’t updated for days T_T