The photo below was taken thru self-timer. I have a nice and cozy room, right? This is my room at Microtel during my overnight stay in Baguio. I stayed in a room good for two yet I am the only one who occupied that big room.
See, I am used to being alone – travelling, working, eating and all other tasks. I know a number of people who would rather stay in one place with someone than ride a bus or take the plane alone. I also know a number of individuals who would rather bring baon or not eat at all than to eat alone in public. I can pinpoint some people at the workplace or in school who would rather work with other people than do some tasks alone. I am the exception to all these.
Doing things on my own gives me the sense of accomplishment. I feel like I am independent and that I can function by myself. I learned not to depend on other people for me to be productive. Past experiences also taught me not to do things solely for one person. If you want to do something, do not let a certain person push you up or pull you down. Of course, a little inspiration will help, but depending on someone all the time will mess up things later on. Believe me.
Ok, I can rant and rant about being alone here and how good I am on handling it. But I have a confession to make:
I’m so tired of being alone – literally.
On my trip to Dagupan last Holy Week, most of my friends asked me if I’ll be staying in my grandparentsâ€™ house. I replied to them saying that my grandparents are spending the weekend in Bicol with relatives I’ve never met. I don’t want to sulk at the condo unit because I’d end up being unproductive. I went to Dagupan, stayed in the hotel I wanted to sleep at when I was younger (and that little dream was fulfilled LOL) and went out with some friends. I ate and slept alone in my room.
I went to Baguio last June 30 to make use of the Microtel Discount Card I won via Nina’s blog. I invited some friends to go with me, but they declined because of the schedule. I took a leave at work and told them that I’ll be going to Baguio and go to Dagupan after. I met up with my old buddy Gherlyn and met some of her cool friends. They asked me why I went to Baguio alone and they admire my courage to go to the Summer Capital of the Philippines by myself. Apay ngay? Kayat ko met!
I smiled and responded to every question. Even online and offline friends were asking me why I went there alone. Bakit nga ba?
I wanted to reflect and in a way, experience Baguio the way I always wanted to. I stayed mostly at my hotel room and took the time to do my own walkathon and explored Camp John Hay. It felt good, really. I love the weather, the smell of the pine trees, the people speaking in Ilocano and the fact that I am in Baguio.
But I have to admit that being alone can be stressful at times. This had been my dilemma for quite some time. I usually tell my bestest friends that I am sick of being alone. I wake up at 11AM, go to work and stay there till 6 or 7pm, go home, eat at home, stay at KK and sleep. That’s my routine for five days and to be honest, my weekends are not great when I’m not going out of town. You will find me at one corner of my room updating blogs or watching TV and my grandparent’s room without talking much to a real person. It gets sad at times.
I talked to mom awhile ago and asked me the question ‘Bakit ka pumunta ng Baguio mag-isa? Bakit ba ang hilig mo maglakwatsa mag-isa?’. I replied with an honest answer.
‘Pagod na akong mag-isa. Weird ang sagot ko pero totoo. Nakakapagod’.
She paused and replied with ‘Alam ko. Nakaka-stress nga ‘yan’.
I wanted to cry when she agreed with me. I know that my friends are there and I get to talk to them from time to time. Most of them have the same dilemma too. I don’t really know if I have to change anything or what. My mom suggested that I get a boyfriend now LOL. I am not really longing for a lover. I need a constant companion.
That’s all. Thank you for listening.