When You’re Used To Being Alone

The photo below was taken thru self-timer. I have a nice and cozy room, right? This is my room at Microtel during my overnight stay in Baguio. I stayed in a room good for two yet I am the only one who occupied that big room.

Baguio_Room_Alone

Alone in a Hotel Room for Two - AGAIN

See, I am used to being alone – travelling, working, eating and all other tasks. I know a number of people who would rather stay in one place with someone than ride a bus or take the plane alone. I also know a number of individuals who would rather bring baon or not eat at all than to eat alone in public. I can pinpoint some people at the workplace or in school who would rather work with other people than do some tasks alone. I am the exception to all these.

Doing things on my own gives me the sense of accomplishment. I feel like I am independent and that I can function by myself. I learned not to depend on other people for me to be productive. Past experiences also taught me not to do things solely for one person. If you want to do something, do not let a certain person push you up or pull you down. Of course, a little inspiration will help, but depending on someone all the time will mess up things later on. Believe me.

Ok, I can rant and rant about being alone here and how good I am on handling it. But I have a confession to make:

I’m so tired of being alone – literally.

On my trip to Dagupan last Holy Week, most of my friends asked me if I’ll be staying in my grandparentsÒ€ℒ house. I replied to them saying that my grandparents are spending the weekend in Bicol with relatives I’ve never met. I don’t want to sulk at the condo unit because I’d end up being unproductive. I went to Dagupan, stayed in the hotel I wanted to sleep at when I was younger (and that little dream was fulfilled LOL) and went out with some friends. I ate and slept alone in my room.

I went to Baguio last June 30 to make use of the Microtel Discount Card I won via Nina’s blog. I invited some friends to go with me, but they declined because of the schedule. I took a leave at work and told them that I’ll be going to Baguio and go to Dagupan after. I met up with my old buddy Gherlyn and met some of her cool friends. They asked me why I went to Baguio alone and they admire my courage to go to the Summer Capital of the Philippines by myself. Apay ngay? Kayat ko met!

I smiled and responded to every question. Even online and offline friends were asking me why I went there alone. Bakit nga ba?

I wanted to reflect and in a way, experience Baguio the way I always wanted to. I stayed mostly at my hotel room and took the time to do my own walkathon and explored Camp John Hay. It felt good, really. I love the weather, the smell of the pine trees, the people speaking in Ilocano and the fact that I am in Baguio.

But I have to admit that being alone can be stressful at times. This had been my dilemma for quite some time. I usually tell my bestest friends that I am sick of being alone. I wake up at 11AM, go to work and stay there till 6 or 7pm, go home, eat at home, stay at KK and sleep. That’s my routine for five days and to be honest, my weekends are not great when I’m not going out of town. You will find me at one corner of my room updating blogs or watching TV and my grandparent’s room without talking much to a real person. It gets sad at times.

I talked to mom awhile ago and asked me the question ‘Bakit ka pumunta ng Baguio mag-isa? Bakit ba ang hilig mo maglakwatsa mag-isa?’. I replied with an honest answer.

‘Pagod na akong mag-isa. Weird ang sagot ko pero totoo. Nakakapagod’.

She paused and replied with ‘Alam ko. Nakaka-stress nga ‘yan’.

I wanted to cry when she agreed with me. I know that my friends are there and I get to talk to them from time to time. Most of them have the same dilemma too. I don’t really know if I have to change anything or what. My mom suggested that I get a boyfriend now LOL. I am not really longing for a lover. I need a constant companion.

That’s all. Thank you for listening.

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23 thoughts on “When You’re Used To Being Alone

  1. Ria

    *hugs*

    i know what it’s like mica…konting pampalubag loob: im much older than you at magisa parin ako…..haha.

    much as people say you should enjoy “single blessedness”, nakakapagod nga siya. it gets better though πŸ™‚ thankfully we have blogs, plurk and all these social networking sites that can help, wouldnt you agree?

    Reply
  2. Rafi

    Aww, I know what you mean.

    I’m quite the lone traveller when I don’t have my sisters with me. But I’ve also come to love the feeling of travelling alone -I’ve gone abroad twice to places I’ve never been to before alone and it felt liberating.

    But yeah. being alone for most of your days can be tiring.

    Reply
  3. Nicely

    mica dear,

    somehow i got teary-eyed while reading your post. nakarelate ako to the bones! akala ko din habambuhay na ako mag-iisa noon. more than five years, single ako, walang suitors. i thought ang purpose ko na lang sa buhay eh magpasaya ng friends at mag-organize ng mga family and barkada events. but then, dumating si yobs sa buhay ko as my bestfriend na eventually eh naging boyfriend ko na din ngaun. companion lang din kami nung una pero narealize namin na love pala namin ang isa’t-isa in a special way.

    nakakalungkot talaga mag-isa pero advantage pa rin yun para sa ating mga babae, coz we all have the time to enjoy life without commitments and other responsibilities. yaan mo, makikita mo rin ang right one para sau. sabi mo nga, u are not looking for a lover but a companion. darating din yan… just be patient… and while you are waiting, enjoy life to the fullest!

    Reply
  4. Ada

    Minsan mas maganda pa maging loner πŸ™‚ Walang problemang iniisip since walang nakaattach sayu, but masarap parin pag someone na kasama eeeekk hahahahaha!! MagBF ka na yun lang period. hehehe

    Reply
  5. lainee

    I feel for you… I’m also like you in the sense that I’m used to doing stuff alone – buying groceries, eating out, etc. Even now that I have a bf and we do those things together, I still haven’t let go of my ability to them alone.
    There are times when I feel like going somewhere and wala akong mahila to go along. That’s one of the problems daw with adulthood — our friends aren’t always there because everyone is moving on with their own lives. Maybe you can sched activities several weeks or months ahead para maka make time yung ibang friends mo. Or you can always meet other people with similar interests or join a tour group.
    Having a bf would be great too though, but while he’s not here, bask in the company of other single friends who might also be stressed out about alone-ness.
    Meanwhile, I am looking forward to planning my very first out-of-town trip alone πŸ™‚

    Reply
  6. Charles Ravndal

    I am sorry to hear that you’re feeling alone lately. I can somewhat relate and I know that feeling that one is alone also spells vulnerability. Just be strong and as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Take care always.

    Reply
  7. Micamyx Post author

    @Ria – I agree with you πŸ™‚ Thank God for SNS! Hehe pero don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it a lot lalo na if i need to reflect or write something. Minsan kasi kapag may kasama nakaka-stress din LOL

    @Benj – Hahaha I’m a loner at times too.. er… most of the time haha πŸ˜› Sana matuloy na Alaminos or Sagada natin!

    @Rafi – Especially when you go home without somebody to talk to. Sigh.

    @Nicely – Aw thanks πŸ™‚ That’s what I do rin now. Hangga’t single, sinusulit ko. I keep myself busy with other things I am interested in na alam kong baka di ko magawa kung may jowa or something πŸ˜› I know my time will come… sana pero now na haha πŸ˜€

    @Jade Lopez – Aw. Nagpost ako sa Twitter sis hehe. Which reminds me, the last time I went to Baguio I was with you! πŸ˜›

    Reply
  8. Micamyx Post author

    @Satou Kaku – Thanks dear! *hugs*

    @Hannah – Nagpost ako sa Twitter hehe hindi ka sumagot πŸ˜›

    @Ada – Na-confuse tuloy ako sa’yo haha! Yes, a little inspiration will help. Ok din na may kahati ka sa bayad ng hotel room at may tagakuha ka ng picture LOLOLOL πŸ˜›

    @Lainee – I agree with you on that. Things change na talaga as we grow older. We prioritize our career na and working on our future. Hmmm.. I will write about that realization soon πŸ˜€

    @TDB – Yes. Not unless if i feel the need to add some intimacy into it LOL πŸ˜›

    … which i don’t deny na i am longing for it πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    @Charles – Very well said πŸ™‚ Thanks dear. kaya ko toh! πŸ˜€

    Reply
  9. dementia

    I know how you feel. I too am tired of being alone. Good luck na lang sa atin. Universe, bigyan mo po kami ni Mica ng constant companion. Salamat po.

    Reply
  10. pusang-kalye

    wow—a quite complicated status you have there……then, you need a relationship on an MU level. then again—Filipinos are notb that open—they want more security into it. so one way or another, you have to commit——if you are ready, you might as well learn to be at peace with yourself. you have a lot to cheer for~~~~

    Reply
  11. wentot

    Nakakapagod talagang mag-isa. Isipin mo na lang na may mga taong nami-miss na ang mag-isa. Yung mga taong natotorete na sa ingay o gulo nakanilang kinabibilangan. Parang ingay ng new year na di maiwasan o videoke ng kapit bahay.

    “Masaya ang singlealways ready to mingle”

    Nice photo by the way.

    Reply
  12. ai

    i feel the same way nakakapagod nga mag isa pero we can’t control others para samahan tayo palage πŸ™‚ kaya enjoy life na lang kahit mag isa. happiness is a choice naman di ba. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  13. Louis Dizon

    Dapat nagyaya ka! Grabe naman to hindi nagyayaya, kahit hindi ako makakasama. Lol. Pero totoo yan, kakapagod ren ang mag-isa. Tapos puro trabaho lang at self-time. Pero be happy. Marami kang kaibigang maaasahan at nagpapahalaga sayo. Maraming readers ang blog mo. Sana ay nakatulong at naka-enlighten sa iyo ang Baguio Solitude trip.

    Reply
  14. Pingback: Spending the First Weekend of July in Dagupan City

  15. Micamyx Post author

    @Dementia – Sana pakinggan tayo ni Dakilang Universe πŸ˜€

    @Pusang-Kalye – I guess you’re right. I think i need to commit asap but to whom? T_T

    @Wentot – Pero ang silence ng sobrang pag-iisa ay nakakatorete rin πŸ˜›

    @ai – Yep. Kaya fight lang ng fight! πŸ˜›

    @Louis – Sige next time yayayain kita basta sumama ka! πŸ˜›

    Reply
  16. steffi

    i feel for you…im also alone for quite sometime.and all i want is a constant companion.But its sad to realized that not all of our friends feels the same way..kya minsan nakaka stress when you feel that youre alone in the middle of nowhere.tsk!tsk!

    Reply
  17. Anna

    Hi! I agree with you.. I also travel na mag isa speacilly if sobrang stress na sa work, family etc… And my escape is Baguio. Sooo love the place…Sobrang nakaka relax and nakakawala ng problema πŸ™‚

    Reply

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