A few hours ago, a female close friend and i spent the night talking about how frustrated i am in accomplishing a lot of task. See, I want to do a lot of things. I want to do a lot of projects. I want to write new scripts. I want to produce new short films. I want to attend cooking classes. I want to update my neglected blogs. I want to take up driving lessons. I want to go to Dagupan and just spend the weekend with my grandparents. I want a new laptop. I want a new dress. I want to go to the derma. I want to have my hair fixed. I want to try a new sport. I want to try a lot of things. So many things to do, so little time. So many ideas, so little funds.
I think I am in the stage wherein i am trying to figure out which should i do first. I am a very artistic person (or should i say i believe i am) and i’ve been going through a lot of frustrations lately mostly related to my plans. I want to pursue a lot of things that i end up getting worried or upset. The worst thing there is i had no one to talk to. Yes, my blogger friends are online all the time, but meh, face-to-face interaction is still different.
I cried a few hours ago because all of a sudden, i recalled how i wanted to have my own independence way back. Financial independence that is. To be honest, I don’t really have my own baon when i was in high school. They would insist that i’ll just eat my lunch and snacks at home. Having a hundred bucks in my pocket made me feel like a millionaire for a day. I am not really from a poor family, but unlike my batchmates, I didn’t really have that much money to spend on new clothes and expensive food. If i want something, i have to ask them directly and defend why i want to purchase a certain item. I never complained at all. I actually appreciate the fact that they never spoil me because i value the importance of money now.
In college, i finally had my financial independence when i started working part-time at school and an aunt sent me an allowance while i was studying. Though 50% of my money goes to Carlo’s stomach, I felt very happy. When I started working here in Manila, that’s when I realized that being financially independent is not really that easy. Budgetting your money can lead you to sleepless nights.
Something came up to me and i suddenly cried. I don’t really know why. Maybe i’m just tired of thinking too much. I had the chance to talk to my mom the other night and she asked me again if i am ready to fulfill my promise to herÂ that i’ll work on my papers as soon as i reach the age of 23. Six months from now, i’ll be twenty three years old. A lot of things can possibly happen in a span of six months. I also have six months to think about my future. I am enjoying my life as of the moment, but i guess its about time that i also consider working in another country. Maybe its about time to let go of the fears and move on with life. I am not getting any younger anyway.