Three years ago, our journey began…

We knew each other’s names, but we don’t really know each other that well. I’ve heard of your name since I was in high school because you are the biggest competitor of my puppy love. I’ve seen you walk around the campus like a walking encyclopedia with your nerd-ish hairstyle and geekish glasses. Still, I find you attractive because you do really look good on your white uniform.

Call it a stroke of luck, we suddenly clicked as friends. I remember I was nursing a heartbreak due to a friend’s revelation that he is getting married. You asked me to accompany you go around the campus and inspect for the election posters. The funny thing there is you were narrating stories i never thought i’d hear. To be honest, I was impressed. I never thought that someone like you, who is very much loved and adored by the students, appreciated how i am as a leader and as a dance troupe member.

We became good friends. We supported each other’s endeavors and in a way, i felt like i found a confidant in you. I know your flaws, and you know mine. I do appreciate how concerned you are about my brother’s condition. I am glad that in a span of a few months, we did really click as friends. We even did a lot of crazy things together including going at the rooftop of one building. However, I am surprised upon seeing that event at our school’s yearbook as one of your most memorable day ever. What was special about it anyway? we both know the answer.

Until one day, I realized I’m in love with you. Stupid, ain’t it? I knew all along that you’d be very mad if you found out that a friend likes you. Worse, loves you. Still, stupid me fell in love with you. What the hell can I do anyway? You perfectly qualify as my ideal man – tall, intelligent, talented, understanding, responsible and outgoing. Why did you possess all these wonderful qualities anyway? If only I can dictate my heart to stop beating for you. But I can’t. I’m already in love. I am stupid. Salbakuta’s right. STUPID LOVE!

Ok enough of that now. Since I am afraid that later on you’d find out, I started avoiding you. One month, three months, six months, then one year. Why did our friendship end up that way? I know the answer. WE DID LET THE RUMORS SET US APART. But we had a choice, right? I had the choice. You had a choice. I was waiting for you, but you were also waiting for me. Ayan, nothing happened tuloy. When finally i had the courage to talk to you for awhile, I learned that you remember the special dates and yeah, you read my LJ blog. Once again, I apologize if in any way, I hurt your feelings. You did hurt me too with all the unanswered questions.

Just last year, I finally settled here in Manila. I talked to two of my friends about the biggest heartache ever. I told our story. That was sometime in April. I cried in a fast food chain upon remembering you. Yes, I am still hurting. Or should i say, I was? I even exclaimed that if i happen to see you in Manila without us texting or emailing each other, it simply means that we are meant for each other. I even told them that i will bravely face you and tell everything in your face. Of course, I was emotional upon saying that. Emo individuals can be overacting, right?

Two months after, I was talking to a soon-to-be officemate in a coffee shop. I remember discussing to her the importance of internet marketing and all that. All in all, we talked for three hours and she left at around 6pm. It was raining hard. If i’m not mistaken, I typhoon is approaching Manila that’s why my grandfather was bombarding my phone with text messages asking me where I am and that I should go home as soon as possible. Holding my laptop and a big bag, I hurriedly went to the MRT station.

Upon running, I passed by farmer’s plaza. I noticed a guy standing with a familiar shirt on. No, it couldn’t be.. WTF, it’s you!

Hi you said. Hello I said. How are you, you asked. I am fine, I replied. Where do you work now? you asked. I’ll be working with Belo by next month I said. I asked you the same question. You gave me an answer I could hardly remember. I said goodbye. You said see yah.

On my way home, I couldn’t help but cry. I just screwed a supposedly happy moment. I couldv’t asked him to drink coffee or something. I couldv’t cleared some of the issues of the past. I couldv’t asked for his mobile number. But I didn’t. I didn’t.

Today is June 20 and its a saturday. I am thinking of going to the same place, but I am afraid I wouldn’t be seeing you. Just in case you are reading this, you know how to contact me. If you think its about time for us to finally talk and bury the hurtful past, then do. It’s been three long years. I am tired of thinking about what ifs. We can still be good friends, right? We are grownups now. Come on and let’s talk. Don’t forget to treat me a cup of iced mocha. You know how addicted i am to that drink. You know that very well.

PS: Thank you for the heartache. I came up with a heartfelt script and a bangag-like blog entry.